


Omiai

by Aifsaath



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Arranged Marriage, F/M, Meddling Parents, Omiai, lawyer & biologist, sort of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-14
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-15 01:52:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7201304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aifsaath/pseuds/Aifsaath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would one desperate Uchiha Sasuke do in order to avoid getting hooked? Get hooked, of course. To equally desperate Hinata.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Little Black Dress And The Best Divorce Lawyer Ever

**CHAPTER ONE**

**_or_ **

**The Little Black Dress And The Best Divorce Lawyer Ever**

Hinata finally learnt the hard way that giving sharp scalpels, tiny pieces of glass and optic microscopes to a bunch of freshmen and leaving them on their own was probably as intelligent as taking a herd of bulldogs to a barber's shop, and expecting that the dogs would throw themselves exclusively on the sauerkraut. When she returned to the laboratory, she went catatonic at the sight of the utter destruction laid before her. But in the small place in the back of her mind which had not been affected by the trauma she noted that the catastrophe provided her a perfect excuse for being late. In the end, Hinata loved her students dearly.

It was the twenty first century. One would not believe the extents her parents would go in their quest of getting themselves a brand new son-in-law. Normally, parents of adult children filled the sudden emptiness in the house with dogs or cats or, if their hearts longed for something silent for a change, fishes. That was not the case of Hyuuga, who just _had_ to have something extra. (Plus, they claimed that their twenty-four-year-old daughter was already the hot adept for a position of a spinster.)

Moreover, their version of subtle hints to inform her that they condemn her single status included periodical avalanche of Jane Austen's books and chick-flicks such as _Run Away Bride_.

Even though she liked _Pride and Prejudice_ Hinata really did not need six issues of the same book differing only in the cover, font and the quality of the paper, audio-book, series and the last film version. Despite Hiashi's strong belief, Hinata got the hint at the third gift book that her parents think of marriage vows as the basic milestone in the life of woman, the milestone she so sadly had been missing for her entire adulthood.

Taking off the white coat she wondered when the wedding madness had begun. The clues had always been there, she thought when she recalled the long white dress and the diadem she had gotten for her twentieth birthday. Right at the moment she should have gathered all her belongings, leaved the country, changed her identity, and lived a happy life of a botanist to earn her living on a level... of a well situated homeless person.

Before leaving the building of the faculty, she stopped at the lavatory. She looked in the mirror. Now, only a really desperate man would call her sexy, for the all-day class took its toll on her looks. Hinata tried to remember what kind of miracle led her to agree with her parents' stupid idea to attend _omiai._ Surely, she was a victim of a temporary insanity.

In an overpriced tea-house she would sit with a cup of even more overpriced tea while her mother and father would look elegantly and decently. They both would measure the young man (or elderly man, who had not met the right woman yet) with a stern glares exchanging a few polite phrases with his parents. Meanwhile, a matchmaker would try to convince everyone that Hinata is not only a young lady from a good family, but also an amazing future wife just created to be an angel of the house.

Or so Hinata imagined.

On her way to the tea-house she stopped at her studio. Even though she did not care about the meeting, she did not want her parents to think that she was willingly trying to sabotage their well-meant attempts to secure her a perfect future. Therefore, she decided to take a shower. There was no need to stink of a formaldehyde at the meeting with her potential fiancé. Maybe she should even toss the jeans burnt by acid, and wear something presentable. The tradition demanded for a fancy furisode kimono, but putting it on needed a small army of helpers, because despite of all of her and her mother's effort she had never gotten a hang of obi tying.

The little black dress would do.

She was thirty minutes late when she finally arrived to the gate of the tea-house. She leant on the low wall to catch her breath after running for a half of the way. A cutting pain was shooting from her soles to knees. What was wrong with her brain that she had decided to wear high heels?! The meeting took place in a _tea-house full of tatami mats_ which meant walking _bare-foot._ There was clearly no need to wear this tiny stylish torture devices.

“Now I understand why you never got picked out for a floorball team,” said a voice from above. Hinata looked up.

“Hi, Sasuke.”

“Hn.”

Give me a fixed point and I will move the world, Archimedes claimed. Sasuke's _'hn'_ was that point. You could depend on it. You could define the length of second using his stern, court _'hn'_. It was a phenomenon of such periodicity that insurance companies would offer you a very favourable indemnity against its absence. Of course, you would never see a penny because Sasuke's _'hn'_ never ever failed.

After the graduation and somewhat bleak break-up with Naruto, Hinata had avoided her former classmates from the high school. She and Naruto parted friends and Hinata got regularly mails from him. But she felt a little bit embarrassed when the people from her high school kept questioning whether she had talked with Naruto about the next stage of their relationship – at this point they usually started pointing at their ring finger. Father would find in them valuable allies for his quest to marry Hinata off. Thankfully, he had never heard of them. The potentiality of their alliance against Hinata's spinsterhood was dreadful.

She straightened her back. Sasuke was Naruto's best friend, who occasionally stood in for his brain, consciousness and judgement. He was the single living person able to make Naruto not to run into the parliament, pick a fight with the security, and yell at members present only to give them a petition to sign.

She wanted to know what he was doing there. She asked.

“Do you remember Itachi?”

She nodded.

“He had quadruplets, recently.”

“Congratulations... But what does it have to do with you?”

“My parents concluded that four grandchildren aren't enough. Temari didn't look amused when they nagged if they plan on other children... So it fell on me.”

“Oh... I'm so sorry.”

“Hn.” He took a chocolate bar out of the pocket of his suit, and started munching it. “I presume your parents dragged you here.”

“Is it _that_ obvious?”

“You don't rush inside to see the love of your life.” Sasuke used to spend a lot of time with Ino. It had left a severe impact on him. “Instead of that you rather chat with me here. That doesn't indicate any enthusiasm from you.”

“I've seen the statistics.”

“Crap... I forgot these.”

“Well, women twenty-five-year old or older who haven't yet managed to get married are the usual participants of omiai,” said Hinata. “Most likely, they will put a bit of press on you because they might feel that they're running out of time. I will probably meet there a man above thirty who hasn't yet married because he had no time or he is completely lost when it comes to dealing with women.”

“What a bright expectation,” Sasuke gruffed, and hid the tinfoil into his pocket.

“Uhm... I know it's personal, but...”

“You want to know why I'm still single.”

“People ask you about this a lot, do they?”

“You've got no idea. And for your information – the study of law and the babysitting of my nephews and the idiot eat up all my time and energy. There is just no space for some romance demanding shrew.” Sasuke leant on the wall. “What about you?”

“A lot like you. Except the nephews. And I give undergrads courses.”

“I thought you are still working on your master's degree.”

“Oh, yes, but professor Zetsu hates freshmen, and he also likes to use his postgrads as slaves... I was just the only person willing.”

“Doormat.”

“With such attitude you'll have no problem saving yourself from a marriage.”

“Really?” He seemed genuinely pleased. “Would you give me another tip on how to get rid of a girl without my mom going livid?”

“Act natural.”

“I said I don't want my mom to be mad.”

Hinata paused in thought. She had never understood how Sasuke managed to attract women in such crowds against his own will. Yes, Sasuke won the genetic lottery being born with a face of sharp, handsome features, and a body similar to antic sculpture. Of that, Hinata was aware. But there must have been more to it.

Maybe in the deepest darkness of subconsciousness, where the strong currents of instinct and emotions run dragging a person through the vast river of evolution, women interpreted his bad traits as a manifestation of high levels of testosterone, therefore masculinity, therefore healthy and go-getting offspring.

It could have been the real reason. And maybe, in the prehistoric times, an early _Homo Sapiens Sasuke_ could have fathered a bunch of children able to survive the harsh conditions of ice age. But Hinata had always preferred the nerdy-looking guys with Naruto as the only exception. Being born ten thousand years ago, Hinata would be an evolutionary dead-end.

“Don't mention that you study to be a lawyer.”

“I'm sure my mother got to spill that out already.”

“... Hm... Tell them that you're going to be the best _divorce_ lawyer, then.”

“Oh... I didn't think of that... What's next?”

“Talk about your work and new laws. No snarky remarks, no grins. Just bore them to death.”

“Are you implying...”

She raised her eyebrows not having a clue what was on Sasuke's mind.

“... That I could have saved myself from TWENTY YEARS OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT WITH JUST BEING A GRUMP?!”

“Yes.”

Sasuke's face spoke levels of a man whose world had been shaken by a catastrophe of unimaginable measures just to catch a glimpse of a silver-lining in dark clouds above. He drained a deep breath.

“I should go back. To get over it.”

“She didn't show up?”

“No, something has kept her... I don't know, other families have come, but I'm not sure who did I have to meet.”

“Well... Glad to see you. Good luck with boring them.”

“Thanks. If you want to get rid of him, play a hard feminazi. It works on anyone... Well, except Itachi, but he was always the odd one.”

“Thank you.”

They stepped into the tea-house. The hostess welcomed them at the entrance. After exchanging bows Hinata showed her the invitation card. Meanwhile, Sasuke was sauntering to one of the private rooms at the back. The hostess giggled.

“Please, follow me, Miss Hyuuga.” She sounded mischievous. “Mr. Uchiha, would you wait, please?”

Sasuke stopped and gave them a questioning glare.

“I would like to recommend you both to look at your cards.”

The same room, the same matchmaker, the very same time.

“W-what?!”

“Did you know about that?”

“Father just wrote me that I have to show up, and the only thing that would excuse me not being here is my death. I've never told them that we know each other exactly for this reason.”

The hostess found keeping her face straight a very hard task.

Without any assistance from the hostess, who was enjoying the scene too much, both young people stormed into the private room where they saw the Hyuugas and Uchihas facing each other, and a poor matchmaker guy who was stuck up between them as a referee. Sasuke opened the door in a tsunami-like fashion. Hinata slipped in right behind him.

Both fathers and both mothers glared daggers.

“Where were you?!”

Sasuke paid them no mind, and spoke out himself.

“The purpose of omiai is to introduce potential partners, am I right?”

The matchmaker nodded.

“Great! We can call it off, and go home. This is my former class-mate from my grammar school, Hinata. See, I even recall her name! Clearly, there is no need for introducing.”

“Uhm... Good afternoon.”


	2. The Deal

Sasuke Uchiha did not like the look his mother was giving to Hinata. He _saw_ the wheels in her head running vigorously at the mere thought of the hook-up between them. He just knew that she was imagining their children right at the moment. Before he could add that he had no intention to date or do anything physical to Hinata Hyuuga which could possibly result in an offspring, his mother smiled.

Suddenly, Sasuke sympathised with a small bleeding fish stuck in the middle of Shark Bay.

“Hello, sweetling.” Damn. She _cooed_. Hinata turned beet red. Had his freedom not been threatened, he would feel sorry for the girl. “Let me have a look at you. Oh, what a beauty you are!”

The young woman faced his mother awkwardly. Mikoto beamed. Hinata reddened a few shades more.

“I've just _said_ that-”

“-That you already know each other. Would you like to explain, Sasuke, why you kept a beauty like this a secret?”

“I did what?”

“Uhm... Mrs Uchiha,” Hinata peeped, “I can assure you that there is no other connection between me and Sasuke than a few shared classes and friends. There is no secret, nor relationship.”

“Which will not, by the way, happen, ever. No offence, Hinata.”

“Non taken.”

“Oh my.” His mother frowned slightly, which Sasuke assumed was a very bad omen. “And I just _hoped_ that my son... It's a shame that young people don't value love and family any more. Don't you agree, Hiashi?”

“Truer words have not been spoken,” said the unfamiliar man in his early fifties who glared warningly at his daughter. “Well, if you have no desire to tie yourself with this young man, I'm very sure we can arrange _another_ meeting while the matchmaker is here.”

“A splendid idea,” Mikoto nodded happily. “Sasuke, we will follow their example.”

“Do we have any say in this?” Hinata hung on the tiniest of hopes being seemingly scared to death by the sudden bond between their respective... meddling... good-for-nothing-but-our-suffering parents.

A strict, expectable NO was the answer to the most naïve of all questions. Sasuke could do nothing but watch the horror scene of matchmaking in front of him. He risked a glance at Hinata. An idea struck him.

“A moment, please!” He grabbed her wrist not waiting for their or her reaction, and dragged her out from the room. She gave him a bewildered look, but let him do anything, just to be away from the madness. He shut the door before he slowly turned to her. He gulped. It was inevitable, he decided. To win a war, they had to lose a battle.

“I've got a deal for you.”

“I don't think this is a right time for-”

“It'll save our asses.”

“I'm listening.”

“Let's give them what they want.”

Her face was _priceless._

“ _That_ is the deal?! I thought you aimed for-”

“Use that thing on your neck for a minute, if you don't mind.”

“Are you really begging me to date you when you're such a di- a not nice person to me?”

“Consider it,” Sasuke was losing his patience. “If we pretend that they got us to date, would they insist on attending another meetings?” He let the words sink in. “Imagine a life free from their meddling, complaining and nagging about your marital status. I promise to be a perfect gentleman, carry all the heavy things, give you lifts, tighten screws, repair things, occasionally be a hugging machine, treat you to lunches and dinners... Just save my sanity, Hinata.”

“Wow.” She cracked a smile. “That sounds pretty desperate.”

“Believe me,” Sasuke said sourly. “I am. You've got no idea what lengths would my mother go in order to marry me off.”

“That's sad, but I'm still not convinced.” When he opened his mouth to protest, she added. “I'm... flattered that I seem like a lesser evil, but I don't want to be in a fake relationship. I don't even like _like_ you! Why would I kill my time with you?”

“I won't keep you from real relationships, if you happen to fall for anyone. Just lie to my mum about _our_ relationship.”

“That doesn't make it any better, Sasuke.”

“Are you sure?” Desperate times called for desperate solutions. Sasuke's case fell into that category. “Fine. Tell your dad that you wish for a real relationship. I hope you don't mind me watching _that_ conversation _._ I bet it'll be interesting.”

“You're impossible!” She threw up her arms in defeat. The murderous frown looked almost cute on her small face. Almost. “Well, have it your way. But you will treat me dinners. Every Friday.”

“I'd treat you even on Mondays,” he said almost lovingly. “Let's go back.”

“I can't believe I'm doing this,” he heard Hinata mumble. Sasuke opened the door, and stepped aside for her to enter. Five pairs of accusing glares were fired on them. Mum's lips resembled more of a thin line than human mouth. Her ability to make funny faces scary fascinated him, Sasuke thought – and had to force himself to concentrate back on the dangerous situation. Becoming Hinata's willing servant would do him little to no good, if it only resulted in a disadvantageous deal with his parents which would be only his fault, because he lost the track of his mind.

_You've been in courts, for god's sake! You've done this many times before. This time you're just not advocating for a client but for yourself._

“Well?” Fugaku Uchiha was not known for his patient demeanour. “Have you made up your mind?”

Hinata restricted herself to a curt nod. Sasuke had to do all the talking. Fine. After all, he was the professional.

“I realized that my mother was, as always, right. I should never let a sweet, humble person like Hinata slip out of my hands.” Surely, there was a special place in Hell reserved for liars like him. “Nevertheless, rushing into marriage is, even though very romantic, a bit reckless.” He paused for a second checking for any sign of protest. “In my opinion, an appropriately long period of wooing is the wisest option for us all, if only to prevent possible mistakes in our potential union.”

“Mistakes such as...?” Hiashi gave an impression of a highly intelligent man, but Sasuke would bet a nice pack of bills that he was lost at the second sentence of his verbal avalanche. Boring someone to death seemed to be a versatile tactic.

“Such as a wrong spouse.” Sasuke turned to Hinata, startling her. “I doubt it, but we can't afford to make a bad decision, which may affect our entire lives. I don't want to get hurt... And I definitely don't want to hurt you, Hinata.”

“I wouldn't say it better.” The girl breathed the words in a young-maiden-in-love fashion, earning endeared smiles from everyone. “I didn't l-lie that there was no relationship between us... But hearing Sasuke say all those things...” She lowered her eyes shyly and let the words linger in the air. Sly, sly Hinata.

He allowed himself a small smirk. They were going to win this, no matter what. Optimism filled his being from toes to head.

“So, you're agreeing on dating in order to learn if you are right for each other, are you?”

“Yes.”

Sasuke realized his mistake far too late.

“I'm glad that you don't plan on weaselling out of the deal.” Fugaku Uchiha was a seasoned veteran of many court cases.“Claiming that you learnt you're compatible, and _not_ marrying. Wordplay, Sasuke, wordplay...”

_...Crap._

“Do you question my honesty?”

“Let's say I know the way you think.”

“Nevertheless, nice try, Mr. Uchiha,” Hiashi added. “I don't have any real objections to your decision to date her. I would not force my daughter into marrying a stranger.” It would be very nice of him, if he were not doing exactly that. “I believe that you have the best intentions. But I need some assurance, for I have the same impression as your father that, in the end, you will refuse the union regardless of the outcome of your courtship.”

“Date for a year,” Hinata's mother finally spoke up. She was slimmer, more snobbish version of her daughter. “Learn to be together. Don't fake it. I want you to try hard to win egach other's heart.” She curled up her thin lips. “Am I right, Mikoto?”

“Oh, yes, my dear.”

“Pah, romantics!”

“Fugaku, don't be a grump!

“I'm not a grump, I'm just realistic. He'll do everything possible to get out of it.”

“Trust him for once.”

“I said,” Mrs. Hyuuga raised her voice, “that you should date for a year. And when the given time has passed without a serious obstacle to your union arisen...”

“You can't force us,” Hinata said, tossing the young maiden act aside. “It's against human rights. I – I know that you think you're securing us a happy future, and I appreciate that, really. But it's _your_ version of a happiness, and I'm not sure I like it that much.” She drew a deep breath. Sasuke found the fact that he noticed the decent but still alluring cleavage only now very, very sad. “I promise you to give it a try. But I want the final word. And you can't – must not – take that from us.”

The parents exchanged puzzling looks. Sasuke tensed. The prehistoric fight or flight reaction appeared to be a tempting solution. Fugaku nodded to the silent conversation, then turned to them.

“We accede to your demands.”

“What my jovial husband tried to say was that we're glad that you'll spend the next year with each other and that we hope that you'll fall in love.”

_Over my dead body we will fall._

“Thank you.” Hinata bowed slightly. “Are we dismissed yet?”

“You should stay here. The tea is divine,” said Mrs. Hyuuga.

“No, thanks. Enjoy your tea. We're going.”

Sasuke rushed out. Hinata muttered a quick goodbye and run after him. He heard the furious clatter of her pumps. He was already outside, breathing air as fresh as it was possible in a big city when something behind him crashed loudly.

“Why are you wearing the high-heels, if you can't walk in them?”

“Walking and running are two different things.” She was brushing her knees. “Are we going somewhere?”

Sasuke thought for a while.

“It's Friday. I promised you food.”

“Lucky that we're already dressed for a date.”

“Yes. Lucky.” He could not make himself to sound even a little enthusiastic. “My car is behind the corner. Let's go.”

* * *

A peaceful silence reigned the private room. Matchmaker had left soon after the children. Ori Hyuuga smiled contently at her husband, who paid her back with a small twinkle in his eyes. Fugaku Uchiha drunk his tea while watching the love of his life decimate the pile of mochi cakes.

The victory never tasted any sweeter, Mikoto joked. Hiashi placed his cup neatly on the table, contemplation written on his face.

“I wonder whether they realize that the shogi door and wood and paper walls are not the most soundproof things in the world...”


	3. CHAPTER THREE  or  Hakuna Matata!

 

It was a nice pub, Hinata mused looking around. Sasuke paid her no mind, and she did the same. Both were too hungry to dwell on the blow to their personal autonomy, and nothing soothed hurt ego better than a nice cup of a black coffee with a quiche. Sasuke had ordered the one with tomato filling, Hinata sticked to the classic Lorraine. They spent long minutes in a complete silence full of delicious, crunchy nirvana. Neither was bothered by their greasy hands – the taste was just too divine to raise any complaint to anything.

“Do you come here often?” she asked one hour later.

“ _Hn?_ ” Well, at least the crimson of the tomato sauce made a nice flash of colour to Sasuke's white & black scheme. She handed him a napkin. He grabbed it, and cleaned himself. “Pretty much, yes.”

The pretty waitress showed up again. Sasuke, being obsessive when it came to the topic of food, had her bring a pitcher of tomato juice. She did not waste any time. The glass was dewy and ice-cold. A little drop fell sinfully slowly down the slight curve of the jug.

“Do you want some?”

“No, thanks.” She watched him adding a pinch of salt to the red juice. He stirred it with a long spoon. Hinata thought that it must have tasted a bit like blood.

“So,” he licked the spoon. “What do we do?”

“Uhm, sorry?”

“What do we do? I thought you agreed with me that our parents are boinkers.”

“Oh, y-yes, they are...”

“Then...?”

“I think we should just finish our meal, and call it a date. Stick with the plan. Sooner or later, they'll grow tired of this.”

“I doubt it.”

“Oh, Sasuke. Don't be so gloomy. We'll survive this.” She reached to him and patted him on his shoulder. The touch did not last long. “I know you're freaked out, but that is really unnecessary. They’re not here, they can’t get to us. When we're on a date, we'll just take a break and relax, no worries, no concerns, no talks about our families or matrimony, nor about school. I bet you need it too.”

Well, that sounded too much like taken directly from a mouth of a gleeful, plucky heroine who is trying hard to lift male romantic interest's spirits up, inadvertently showing her unwavering affection towards him, but Sasuke never noticed the unmeant undertones of their conversation

 He locked his eyes with Hinata's, and put all of his seriousness into that short, little nod.

“And a year is enough time for them to change their minds,” she finished.

“Just don't overdo it with the optimism.”

“I'm not overdoing it.”

“Yes, you are.”

She smiled at him. It was hard to argue with a mouth full of a quiche. He could not help a snort.  What an unattractive sight. With those stuffed cheeks she reminded him of a hamster. Sasuke considered whether he should inform her about it, but thought better of it. As a man of despair he should try not to alienate his allies.

“I know my mother,” he said. “We should use the remaining time to make a better plan. Do I need visa to get to Iceland?”

“Sasuke, if you’re trying to disappear and create a new identity, you should probably try that in a country where you won’t stick out like a sore thumb.”

“ _Hn._ Any other ideas?”

“Try Brasil or any multi-ethnic society. Iceland is just…” She burst into laughter. “For god’s sake, can you imagine renaming yourself as a Fjöllverkur? You can’t look more stereotypically Japanese even if you frolicked around in kimono, waving a katana in the air.”

“Hn. Perhaps a plastic surgery would help.”

“Maybe even a finger print removal.”

“And a complete change of my dental records…” Sasuke mused darkly. “ _Hn._ I won’t deny its appeal.”

“If you really want to erase any clue of your true identity, maybe you should try to at least remove your verbal quirks.”

“ _Hn._ I don’t have any.”

She glared at him as if he grew another head.

“If you think so…”

Just before he could explain to her that his rhetoric skills were more than above average, his phone started ringing. “Excuse me.” He checked the display. What did Shisui need? He had the quadruplets shift today. Sasuke hoped nothing was set on fire. The babies were, as he learned a few weeks ago, highly prone to pyromania. Which did not set too well with the wooden furniture in his brother’s house. The firefighters were as unamused as Temari.

“Hello?”

He really should not have put the phone so close to his ear.

_“How could you, Sasuke?! How could you! I thought we were friends! Almost like brothers! Well, more like cousins. Still, you betrayed my trust!”_

“Eh?”

_“YOU’VE RUINED IT! YOU’VE DESTROYED IT!”_

“Shisui, calm down, and tell me what’s wrong.”

_“Everything is wrong after what you did to the Lion King!”_

“What did I… Oh.”

Finally, he remembered his so called sin. Hinata watched with an amused twinkle in her eyes as he attempted to defend himself from the accusations of defiling Disney’s masterpiece.

“Have you got any idea how much the brats would whine if they saw the _real_ fate of Mufasa? What I did was perfectly rational and quite merciful.”

_“You can’t protect them from reality forever!”_

“Yes, I can. And I will. Bye.” Hastily, he hung the phone up. “Sorry for the interruption, Hinata,” he said then.

“What happened?”

“I think Shisui wanted to play The Lion King to our nephews.”

“And?”

“ _Hn._ He found out that I deleted the scene of Mufasa being trampled by wildebeests and overwrote it with a non-traumatizing video from David Attenborough’s show about lion prides. The kids love it. And apparently Shisui thinks that I committed a crime against humanity.”

A few seconds passed before a look of gentle bemusement set on her face. _Here we go again,_ Sasuke braced himself.

“I wouldn’t expect that… level of insight into children’s psychology from you. No offense.”

“None taken. Well, no one can claim to have Itachi for an older brother, and have no experience of… a severe childhood trauma.”

“There’s a story behind it, isn’t it?”

“Uh.” Sasuke winced at the memory. “Promise me, you’ll never tell a soul.”

“I promise.”

He drew a deep breath. Revealing the gullibility of his younger self was to be nothing but humiliating. But there was a small possibility that the anecdote would amuse the girl. It surely made Naruto laugh his ass off.

“So, I was seven years old when Itachi pulled this one. That day mum and dad left the house to visit a relative who lived in the other part of the city. All Itachi had to do was to wait for me after school and walk me home. You know, the general thing all the older siblings do. He never showed up, no. I had to go home all by myself. I lost track on how many strange men in dark alleys offered me sweets. Half the time I had no idea where the hell I was. I was scared and frozen to the bone when I finally reached our house. You would never guess what the asshole was doing the whole time.”

“Was he playing videogames and forgot about you?”

“No, that wouldn’t be half as fucked up as what he actually did. No, the prick used the time, while I was wandering the streets, to decorate the whole house as a crime scene from Kill Bill. Ketchup and tomato sauce covered floors, handles and windows. He arranged a raw beef leg – with a bone attached – with a plastic hand he stole from some figurine. He even went as far as to make an audio loop of the shower scene from Psycho. You know, the screaming woman, and had it played the entire time. Now, imagine the kid me entering the house.”

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes.”

“What did you do?”

“I broke down and started crying. Itachi, as a true sociopath, crept from behind a corner. He was a perfectionist even then, so the bloodied knife he was holding was a nice finishing touch.  He informed me that he murdered mum and dad and that I’m the next one on his hit list. And because I was a stupid little kid who had not his faith in humanity broken yet, I believed him. And run out.”

Hinata snorted. And then burst out laughing. Sasuke frowned. Of course, he knew that this kind of reaction was to be expected. But seeing _her_ , the composed and demure missus, suffocate with giggles so much that her face was turning into a nice purple colour, was a bit emasculating. When she finally calmed down, she still could not force the stupid grin off her lips.

“I’m sorry,” she said finally. “It’s that I would have never expected such a story from you.”

“ _Hn._ No one usually does,” he said. “Somehow, most of my acquaintances imagine my childhood to be only about private schools and rigorous extra-curricular activities. They see me in a suit, and that’s all they need to create an opinion on me.”

She grinned. “One cannot blame them. I’ve always found you a bit… dull? Don’t get me wrong, please,” she said hastily when he raised his eyebrows. “I wanted to say that even though I’ve known you for all of our high school I don’t have a slightest clue about _who_ you are. You were always Naruto’s silent company. Who _hn’_ ed half his conversations and occasionally made a sarcastic remark.”

“I don’t _hn_ any conversation.”

 The small, faint smile never left her lips. It was unnerving.

* * *

It was late evening, when Sasuke finally got home. In a rare moment of chivalry, he had offered Hinata a lift. The girl gladly accepted as she probably did not fancy to travel to the opposite side of city by public transportation while dressed in modest-but-sneakily-sexy dress.

She made him a tea. Her studio was cosy, full of overloaded bookcases. Most of the tomes were about plant biochemistry. The room reminded him strongly of the dorm where he used to live before he moved to his current flat.

He took of his shoes. Hung the coat on a hook. He stepped into the living room. Switched the lights on.

Then he saw it. Damn the Disney fanatic.

“I am going to kill Shisui.” He paused. The madman could not do this all alone. He needed an accomplice, and Sasuke knew exactly what kind of a sadistic relative would help Shisui with this torture.

That they covered all of his walls with the giant screenshot of Mufasa’s death scene, Sasuke could comprehend and even forgive

What crossed the line were the windows. And doors. And every surface in the whole flat. His toothpaste was wrapped in a paper with a picture of a wildebeest. His mirror as well. The same happened to his sunglasses. Sasuke opened a drawer. His underwear was neatly folded. And each one had thermo-printed dead Mufasa’s body in the front.

He let out a sigh. He will maim Shisui later. But he would not let his accomplice escape. Sasuke pulled out his phone.

“Hello? Temari? You would not guess what my brother did this time…”


End file.
